i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He shit in the fireplace
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
