shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
