one might say we're banned from that church
he shaved USA in his pubs
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
