he puts the penis in happiness.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
