I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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