our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
