and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There are leaves in my underwear?
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