its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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