we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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