What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
