I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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