I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Randomize
