can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
