I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
