12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
