We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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