your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
