Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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