Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
