I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I deserve this hangover.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
