I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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