I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
