I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
