Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
