Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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