Betty ford says i'm here all night
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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