I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
