Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Let's get the cat blown out
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
