do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
