Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
