The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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