zippers are such a cool invention
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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