I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Randomize
