matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
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