ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
