dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Randomize
