just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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