just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
