i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
