Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
