i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
