Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
