bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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