wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
