A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
