I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I am spending my child support on dildos
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
