i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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