Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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