I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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