you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
