I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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