they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
