The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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