You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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